So often I am reminded of important topics during conversations with my eldest daughter. At 9 she is now starting to figure out her place in the world and discover who she is. One conversation which came up was in relation to teaching her how to fill her own cup. It made me realise how common it was to not actually know how to do this very important task.
We are accustomed to filling our cup by getting a massage or pampering ourselves in some way or another. As much as this is a step in the right direction all of this comes from outside of ourselves and there is so much more that comes from within which will make the most significant impact to the level of your cup.
So what does it mean to truly fill your own cup? Simply it means doing and being the things that make you feel good but also bring on a deep sense of self love. Generally it is this last piece of the puzzle which is often ignored, whilst ironically enough, is the most important.
There is one concept which has been implemented into my daughters classroom, which in its foundations is a positive step. The concept is to put words of praise into a fellow classmates bucket (these are physical buckets on the wall). This is to give your classmate a sense of community, love and consideration, all good things, BUT there is one major floor which became very apparent to me during this conversation with my daughter. In this process of the buckets they were not to put anything into their own bucket. This may not seem so important on the surface, but what are we teaching them? Potentially that it’s not ok to fill your own bucket but more problematic is that happiness and a filled bucket comes from the people around you. This is where this concept is dramatically floored.
You can get 100 massages or positive messages a day and although you will feel relaxed and loved, your internal world will still be in turmoil and draining your cup faster than a bucket without a bottom. Having a full bucket and happiness are very closely related. We cannot have our happiness derived from the world and people around us. What a massive burden for our friends to carry, do you really expect them to ensure your happiness? of course not, but in not taking responsibility and ownership of your happiness and the level of your cup, you are doing just that. Once we are able to truly love and accept ourselves and all that we are and aspire to be, we will truly fill our cups in a way which has a lasting effect.
Filling yourself with self love can feel a little strange at first. Initially it will most likely feel egotistical and self indulgent, but verbalising a stream of positive words about yourself that you could believe about yourself is far from egotistical. It is about understanding who you are and who you want to become. IT is about acknowledging that your not perfect but loving and understanding there is a not so wonderful side of you too. It is about not judging ourselves and letting go of the judgements, perceived or otherwise taken on. It is all about acceptance of self, the good, the bad, the ugly.
You Must Choose to BE it in Order to LIVE it.
So what do you believe about yourself? If you look at the word believe and apply a little creative license its be-live. What we be is how we live, what we believe about ourselves will have the biggest impact on the level of our cup and our lives. You cannot live the life you want unless you choose to take on the beliefs and actions of a person who is already living that live, you must choose to BE it in order to LIVE it.
This is why working through our beliefs has the most profound effect on our lives. It changes our BE, so therefore our BE-HAVIOURS and how we interact with the world.
If you truly want to fill your cup, look to the beliefs that are holding you back from being and doing what truly lights you up. What are the stories you keep telling yourself that simply aren’t true. Whether its that your not good enough, special enough, beautiful enough, talented enough, not worthy enough, and the list goes on. All of these Not…. enough are going to keep you with an empty bucket. Once you realise or notice the story you are telling yourself you are able to find works which directly contradict that , then go in chase of all the evidence or experiences that have told you that you are not these things. if you can’t think of any, go in chase of them, face the fear and allow yourself to grow and develop this evidence. Allow yourself to fill your own bucket.
There are so many different ways in which to fill your cup, a mix of internal and external will usually do the trick. It would be nieve of me to think that the external wasn’t important, but be aware it is only the surface level. Ways in which to serve your internal work in a way to fill your cup include: affirmations, positive self talk, Access Bars (this is a double whammy on the internal and external), practise gratitude every single day, meditation, Life Coaching (to work through beliefs and behaviours), volunteering, giving compliments without expectation of them being returned, Personal development, listening to your favourite song(s), being active and taking time for you, just to name a few.
In relation to the external world I am thinking not to many surprises here, but to create a full list here are some examples: massage, facials, getting nails done, going out with friends or loved ones, dressing up (if not done completely for self), people pleasing, doing things for others to gain acceptance, shopping, getting your hair done, etc.
It is easy to see the difference between the internal and external things and activities. One comes from within the other is self worth gained from outside of you. In these lists there are a lot of grey areas, such is life. Nothing is clear cut. The greatest thing to bring awareness to is determining where your cup is being filled and by whom and what. Living life from the overflow of your cup brings ease and clarity due to the understanding you have of yourself. It is from this place you can more clearly make decisions which serve you and the continuous flow of love into your cup.
Serve from your overflow xx
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